9 Tips for When You're Feeling Alone and Unloved
There are times of the year when being on our own, perhaps
without our children, is tough. Christmas, long weekends, holidays and key
social events can be hard if we're alone, everyone else seemingly enjoying
special moments.
Here are 9 tips to help;
Remind yourself that it's often just for one day:
If
you're alone plan ways to occupy yourself. How wonderful to know you can cook
your favourite food, read your book or watch a film undisturbed, soak and enjoy
a guilt-free leisurely bath. Then, when you're next with your loved ones you
can organise extra-special times together.
Revise your perspective:
Use some time
productively, catching up on jobs and chores, but also enjoy 'me time', doing
the things you often struggle to fit in, like catching up with friends or
shopping at your own pace. Relish time for yourself.
Avoid guilt-tripping your children:
They know
what's going on. Yes, they may allow one parent to bribe them with holidays and
expensive gifts - why wouldn't they! But they'll also appreciate the other
parent's daily struggles, the things you suspect go largely unnoticed. Allow
them to freely choose as to where they want to be.
Maintain an involvement:
in all areas of life.
Remember, you have your own identity too. Keep yourself interesting by being
interested in the news, popular TV, what's happening locally. Then you can
comfortably join conversations and build new social connections. Being alone
isn't the same as being isolated or disconnected from daily life.
Mixing and talking to new people:
is a great
way to improve your confidence, inspire you to update your appearance and
become more than 'just' an ex or a parent! Plus conversing is an important
skill, quickly lost if we're out of practice and haven't socialised
independently in a while. Practise your conversational skills regularly; at the
supermarket, whilst waiting in a queue or travelling on the bus can all be good
places to safely share a few moments relaxed conversation.
Manage your expectations:
When you dip a tentative
toe into the dating scene don't initially invest everything into that new
relationship. Enjoy meeting someone new, getting to know them and maybe
flirting a little. If things don't work out that's fine. Be gentle with
yourself.
Make invitations:
Join mailing lists, source
free and special offers. Become the go-to guy for fun and also accept when
others invite you along. Keep in touch with what's happening locally. Then you
can join in, even if some events aren't quite to your taste.
Provide reasonable options:
for those on a
budget; a pamper evening, supper party where everyone contributes, or a games
evening. Sport can be a great way to exercise and socialise at the same time.
Make time for your own interests:
Volunteer, join a
class, a walking group. Maybe alternate child care with other parents and
free-up some time for yourself.
Alone doesn't have to mean lonely. Remember, people in
unhappy relationships will envy you your freedom and single life.
Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship
counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship
issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with
individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.